Comparison is the thief of Joy- and other counseling take-aways

by the imperfect lesbian mommy

The couples counseling has proved to be very key on my way to personal happiness. Some good takeaways and some good practice on my shut up talking and listen skills (or development of this skill).
There has been much to hear and see but a few key points… there’s no such thing as a perfect Mommy, now that you have kids you never do get a break so not sure why you keep waiting for this “break”, and C and I need to stop competing. Oh and our new Mantra to adopt is “we’ve both had hectic fucking days in whatever fashion they manifested themselves in”. These are just a few of the things that have been earth moving.
I know “Duh!” there is no such thing as a perfect Mommy. I do know that, I’m not trying to be Martha Stewart or even have makeup on all the time. Ugh, but I can’t help but think maybe I don’t understand the level of perfection that I feel IS or IS NOT acceptable. As in, I still think in some weird subconscious way there is still a beautiful perfect Mommy outcome. And while I believe this should look a certain way I continue to fail myself to my own standards So I will need to continue and explore this.
The competing and the daily mantra… I like to think of it as the saying “comparison is the thief of joy”. The saying I’m sure, may be applied to various situations and comparisons including the have and have not’s, but I like to think of it here. In the place of C and I, and our constant comparing of motherly practices, and routines, our comparison of efforts towards maintaining the house, or hours worked outside the home. the comparing (or competing) is stealing so much joy.
Lastly, I wish to share other recent developments through counseling. As much as it hurts my heart, C has pretty much had her ass handed to her in the last two sessions. It hurts my heart as it would anyone that loves their other half so much. I sit there and I just want to protect her and her feelings, I don’t want her to feel alone, silenced or ganged up on. I don’t want her to cry or feel bad. But I also can’t help that our counselor is saying the things I feel, she is mediating the discussion that is needed. I feel understood and most, most importantly I do not feel crazy. I have to remember that even if C doesn’t think it’s fair, this is why we decided to go to counseling. We decided that we need help and mediation in order to be better all the way around. We decided that a unbiased third party could provide us with some important down-to -earth mediation. I feel bad, even writing this now wondering what day C will ask to finally read my blog, what will she feel when she reads this? It’s a painful position to play but I feel like there is a value. Value to the honestly, and the struggle is a small but painful price to gained peace and understanding at home.